boys...you may not want to read this.

You can't say I didn't warn you! Nathan is 8 days old today. I can't believe it. My little man is growing up.... tear. Seriously, the past 8 days have flown by. I've had so much that I've wanted to write down, but haven't had a chance to get to it. I'm sure now that I have a few minutes he'll wake up and need me, but we'll see how far I can get...

I want to start off by saying how proud I am of Jason and I for being new parents. I know I gush about my love for him alot, so skip this part if it makes you want to vomit, but I do! I can't get enough of him and watching him with our newborn has been one of my favorite parts. I've known that he's a good daddy, but seeing how gingerly he holds Nathan and how he sweetly kisses him and how he runs to his side when he starts to cry....man, it chokes me up. One of my favorite memories from the hospital is of Nathan's first dirty diaper. You mom's know what I mean by the first dirty diaper. Yuck. Of course, I used this opportunity to play on my recent surgery, so Jason came running to the rescue. He was so funny trying to clean him all up without hurting him and doing so all while Nathan's screaming. When he was done - he looked so proud. Nathan had quieted and I noticed that he had his little tiny hand wrapped tightly around Jason's big finger. Ugh....I'm going to have to stop before I start crying again.

That's another thing. Nobody told me that I would cry this much. I mean, I'd heard of the baby blues, but just plain out bawling for no apparent reason? It's almost uncontrollable. I think I'm starting to scare people. I asked my doctor about it at my last visit (that's another story) and he said that it's completely natural. Unless I'm having bad thoughts, I should just let it flow. And, honestly, the thoughts aren't bad - they are all so sweet. How much I love my husband, how much I love our baby, how much I love my mama.....any little thing about the 3 of them will set. me. off. Jason had to go back out on the road on Wednesday and just looking at his truck sitting in the driveway will make me cry, thinking about Nathan having to go to school for the first time makes me cry, watching my mama spend endless hours here taking care of me while my husband is away - makes me cry. So, if you are expecting and haven't heard of this yet - you've heard it from me. Just let it flow.

So, here's the other story to the doctor's visit (and part of why i don't think the boys want to hear about it), but, I've been feeling rather well from having just had major surgery. It seems like everything's beginning to not hurt as badly and I'm starting to be able to do small things for myself that I definitely couldn't have done before. Then, Thursday morning I wake up and my nightgown is soaked with this blood-tinged fluid. My first thought was that it must have gotten stuck between my legs (told you not to read this part!), so I changed nightgowns and went back to bed, but when I woke back up, it was there again. Lots of it. I realized that it was coming from my incision! So, I called my doctor and they asked me to come in. Actually, the incision looks really good. I thought it would still be sort of open, but it's completely closed - except for this tiny spot on the edge of a stretch mark that is pouring fluid. Apparently, since I labored for so long, my body had built up this fluid to be able to push the baby out and since I didn't end up delivering that way, that fluid is having to escape any way it can. (through tears, too, maybe?) So, he wants me to just let it flow. yuck. Really? I just might not ever have another baby again. Or at least next time, I won't labor. I'll just schedule the c-sect and get it over with.

Thursday was also an exciting day because we went to Nathan's first doctor's visit! We are using Dr. Jackson and we LOVE him. I've known him for some time from church and am so glad he was willing to see us even though he's not taking new patients. Nathan's doing so good! He's gained 5 oz. back and already another 1/2 an inch. He's really healthy ang growing perfectly. Dr. Jackson said that I've been breastfeeding really well and gave me some pointers on how to keep up with his growing appetite. He also wants us to have him sleeping through the night by 2 months. Lord, I hope that will happen! We talked about his stance on vaccines and I really appreciated hearing his opinion. Then, at the very end of the appointment, he said, "do you mind if I say a prayer over Nathan?" Oh. My. Gosh. The tears just fell. I couldn't help it. I've never heard of a doctor that's whole profession is based on science, but who believes so stronly in God that he offers to pray with his patients. He prayed that Nathan would stay strong and healthy all of his life and that God would give Jason and I the wisdom to know the difference in love and discipline and that He would give Dr. Jackson the wisdom to treat Nathan for the illnesses that he may encounter. tears. that's all I had.

Speaking of breast feeding, this has been one of the most exciting parts. Jason doesn't understand what the big deal is, but I tried to explain that it's just a mother's nature to want to breastfeed her child - be able to give him that nourishment that he needs. It would be the same if he were told that he wasn't able to procreate. He would feel jilted a little because it's a man's nature to want (need) to do that. I've been so clueless as to what to expect, but am really getting the hang of it! He latched on really well from day one, so that hasn't really been a problem, the worst part, I guess, is that since he's a big baby - he wants to eat all. the. time. He's been sleeping great - even at night - he'll sleep for 5 or 6 hours at a time. Love it! But, the only problem, is that this means when he wakes up he's STARVING and it takes me like 2 hours to fill his hollow legs back up. Isn't it amazing what the female body is made to do? And have you seen how far those suckers can stretch? If your mama breastfed you - go give her a hug right now.

Bless his little heart. His daddy has been lovingly calling him, "Nasty Nate." Partly because Jason once knew somebody called that or something and partly because they didn't want us to give him a bath for the first week (or so we thought - turns out we could have been sponge bathing him.) So, by Thursday - he was really Nasty! I couldn't wait to put him in his first bath. Here's a picture of how much fun he had:

Lastly, I want to talk about my Mama. Now, as I sit here my cheeks will be wet, but that's okay. She's taken three days off of school to be with me since Jason had to leave. She's spent every day and night right here beside me. I have to admit, I was a little nervous at first that we wouldn't want to kill each other by the time it was over, but I'm starting to think about moving her in...she's been an angel! Not only has she kept my house nice and clean for company, but she's made my meals, kept up with my medicines, done my laundry, helped me into and out of bed, held my baby while I showered, changed his diapers when I've been unable to, reorganized my pantry, refrigerator and Nathan's chest of drawers. She drove me back and forth all over town on Thursday for our appointments and has gotten up in the middle of the night to help me when he's woken up. What would I do without my mama? She's amazing. I know how blessed I am to have a Mama that is so sweet and loving and who puts everyone else before herself. I can't imagine having to do this without her. I hope that when Nathan grows up, I will be as good to him as she has been to me. I just love her.

oh my god, Nathan's cord just fell off, I have to go....