boys...you may not want to read this.

You can't say I didn't warn you! Nathan is 8 days old today. I can't believe it. My little man is growing up.... tear. Seriously, the past 8 days have flown by. I've had so much that I've wanted to write down, but haven't had a chance to get to it. I'm sure now that I have a few minutes he'll wake up and need me, but we'll see how far I can get...

I want to start off by saying how proud I am of Jason and I for being new parents. I know I gush about my love for him alot, so skip this part if it makes you want to vomit, but I do! I can't get enough of him and watching him with our newborn has been one of my favorite parts. I've known that he's a good daddy, but seeing how gingerly he holds Nathan and how he sweetly kisses him and how he runs to his side when he starts to cry....man, it chokes me up. One of my favorite memories from the hospital is of Nathan's first dirty diaper. You mom's know what I mean by the first dirty diaper. Yuck. Of course, I used this opportunity to play on my recent surgery, so Jason came running to the rescue. He was so funny trying to clean him all up without hurting him and doing so all while Nathan's screaming. When he was done - he looked so proud. Nathan had quieted and I noticed that he had his little tiny hand wrapped tightly around Jason's big finger. Ugh....I'm going to have to stop before I start crying again.

That's another thing. Nobody told me that I would cry this much. I mean, I'd heard of the baby blues, but just plain out bawling for no apparent reason? It's almost uncontrollable. I think I'm starting to scare people. I asked my doctor about it at my last visit (that's another story) and he said that it's completely natural. Unless I'm having bad thoughts, I should just let it flow. And, honestly, the thoughts aren't bad - they are all so sweet. How much I love my husband, how much I love our baby, how much I love my mama.....any little thing about the 3 of them will set. me. off. Jason had to go back out on the road on Wednesday and just looking at his truck sitting in the driveway will make me cry, thinking about Nathan having to go to school for the first time makes me cry, watching my mama spend endless hours here taking care of me while my husband is away - makes me cry. So, if you are expecting and haven't heard of this yet - you've heard it from me. Just let it flow.

So, here's the other story to the doctor's visit (and part of why i don't think the boys want to hear about it), but, I've been feeling rather well from having just had major surgery. It seems like everything's beginning to not hurt as badly and I'm starting to be able to do small things for myself that I definitely couldn't have done before. Then, Thursday morning I wake up and my nightgown is soaked with this blood-tinged fluid. My first thought was that it must have gotten stuck between my legs (told you not to read this part!), so I changed nightgowns and went back to bed, but when I woke back up, it was there again. Lots of it. I realized that it was coming from my incision! So, I called my doctor and they asked me to come in. Actually, the incision looks really good. I thought it would still be sort of open, but it's completely closed - except for this tiny spot on the edge of a stretch mark that is pouring fluid. Apparently, since I labored for so long, my body had built up this fluid to be able to push the baby out and since I didn't end up delivering that way, that fluid is having to escape any way it can. (through tears, too, maybe?) So, he wants me to just let it flow. yuck. Really? I just might not ever have another baby again. Or at least next time, I won't labor. I'll just schedule the c-sect and get it over with.

Thursday was also an exciting day because we went to Nathan's first doctor's visit! We are using Dr. Jackson and we LOVE him. I've known him for some time from church and am so glad he was willing to see us even though he's not taking new patients. Nathan's doing so good! He's gained 5 oz. back and already another 1/2 an inch. He's really healthy ang growing perfectly. Dr. Jackson said that I've been breastfeeding really well and gave me some pointers on how to keep up with his growing appetite. He also wants us to have him sleeping through the night by 2 months. Lord, I hope that will happen! We talked about his stance on vaccines and I really appreciated hearing his opinion. Then, at the very end of the appointment, he said, "do you mind if I say a prayer over Nathan?" Oh. My. Gosh. The tears just fell. I couldn't help it. I've never heard of a doctor that's whole profession is based on science, but who believes so stronly in God that he offers to pray with his patients. He prayed that Nathan would stay strong and healthy all of his life and that God would give Jason and I the wisdom to know the difference in love and discipline and that He would give Dr. Jackson the wisdom to treat Nathan for the illnesses that he may encounter. tears. that's all I had.

Speaking of breast feeding, this has been one of the most exciting parts. Jason doesn't understand what the big deal is, but I tried to explain that it's just a mother's nature to want to breastfeed her child - be able to give him that nourishment that he needs. It would be the same if he were told that he wasn't able to procreate. He would feel jilted a little because it's a man's nature to want (need) to do that. I've been so clueless as to what to expect, but am really getting the hang of it! He latched on really well from day one, so that hasn't really been a problem, the worst part, I guess, is that since he's a big baby - he wants to eat all. the. time. He's been sleeping great - even at night - he'll sleep for 5 or 6 hours at a time. Love it! But, the only problem, is that this means when he wakes up he's STARVING and it takes me like 2 hours to fill his hollow legs back up. Isn't it amazing what the female body is made to do? And have you seen how far those suckers can stretch? If your mama breastfed you - go give her a hug right now.

Bless his little heart. His daddy has been lovingly calling him, "Nasty Nate." Partly because Jason once knew somebody called that or something and partly because they didn't want us to give him a bath for the first week (or so we thought - turns out we could have been sponge bathing him.) So, by Thursday - he was really Nasty! I couldn't wait to put him in his first bath. Here's a picture of how much fun he had:

Lastly, I want to talk about my Mama. Now, as I sit here my cheeks will be wet, but that's okay. She's taken three days off of school to be with me since Jason had to leave. She's spent every day and night right here beside me. I have to admit, I was a little nervous at first that we wouldn't want to kill each other by the time it was over, but I'm starting to think about moving her in...she's been an angel! Not only has she kept my house nice and clean for company, but she's made my meals, kept up with my medicines, done my laundry, helped me into and out of bed, held my baby while I showered, changed his diapers when I've been unable to, reorganized my pantry, refrigerator and Nathan's chest of drawers. She drove me back and forth all over town on Thursday for our appointments and has gotten up in the middle of the night to help me when he's woken up. What would I do without my mama? She's amazing. I know how blessed I am to have a Mama that is so sweet and loving and who puts everyone else before herself. I can't imagine having to do this without her. I hope that when Nathan grows up, I will be as good to him as she has been to me. I just love her.

oh my god, Nathan's cord just fell off, I have to go....

He's finally here!

....and he's so worth it!



The doctors had told me that since we were scheduled to be induced Thursday morning at 7:30, I should call at 5:30 to be sure that there hasn't been an overload of women who have gone into labor naturally and taken all the rooms. My doctor had said that this wasn't usually a problem and they didn't anticipate Wednesday night being a big labor night, but you just never know. Jason and I fell asleep pretty easily, surprisingly, but about 3:00 I was up and at 'em. I couldn't sleep any longer for waiting for the clock to change. Sure enough, 5:30 rolled around and I called the number I was given and - you guessed it! Every single labor and delivery room was full. So, they asked me to call back at 10 to see where things stood then. I was so disappointed - but looking back on it, it was probably a good thing because I went back to bed and was able to sleep another 3 hours or so. So, around 10:00 I called again....and again, all the rooms were filled. The nurse I was talking to said that as soon as they had some women discharged, they would start calling the people on their "induction list". I had not even considered that they might have a list of people getting induced, but she assured me that I was number 1. She also asked for me to keep in mind that since I live about an hour away from the hospital, if they do call and someone walks in in active labor, they will have to put that person in the room before me. So, at about 11:30, Mom, Jason and I decided to head on over towards Fayetteville so that when they did call we'd be very close and could get their quicker than if we were in Newnan.

We had lunch at Taco Mac in Peachtree City and shopped around at Smith and Davis. It was nerve-wrecking because a lot of people who knew I was being induced didn't know that we had been delayed so people kept calling to check on me and everytime the phone would ring I would jump thinking, "this is it!" 2 very long hours later, we were debating on whether this was even going to happen that day and they called! We were just passing the hospital on our way to Fayetteville so we quickly turned in and practically ran into Labor and Delivery. (yes, I was running! I was SO ready!)

By the time we got checked in and I got changed into my new little outfit, it was 2:00 and they immediately started the pitocin. I'd heard that pitocin was a doozie, so I was prepared for the pain. Luckily, the practice of doctors that I see are VERY liberal about an epidural. Their thoughts are that if you are in pain they will give it to you. Unlike other offices that want you to be so many centimeters along or if you've gotten too dilated they won't give it to you. So, by about 8:00 I had gotten to about 5 centimeters and felt like the pain was beginning to get intolerable.

I want to stop right here and say how impressed I was with our medical care. We could not have asked for better nurses! The one in particular that was with us for the duration of labor, her name was Reneer, was amazing! She was 19 weeks pregnant herself and dealing with lots of nausea. Bless her heart for working through it - all night long and having to deal with me! I honestly think that she is why God wanted me to wait to come in at a later time than when we had originally planned. The hospital doesn't like to have the husband hold the wife up during an epidural because they've had so many pass out, but this little 5'2'' pregnant girl wrapped her strong arms around me and let me hold onto her as they inserted my epidural. She was an angel! Poor Jason had to just sit on the couch and watch and was a really good sport by not losing his dinner. This was around 8:00p.m. Shortly after, Doctor Turner came in to break my water (which was a breeze since I couldn't feel a THING!) She felt sure that by doing this, it would kick-start things into gear and we would have a baby by 4:00ish or so.

My Dad came around 9 with the most beautiful bouquet of flowers and the cutest balloon I've ever seen! The balloon sings a song when it is jostled that brought a little smile to my face. Also, he'd bought a "congratulations" card and had written "from your hospital buddies" on the inside. Everyone in the waiting room had signed it. It was so sweet because I was able to see who all was anxiously awaiting our little one and it reminded me of the terrific support system we had during these trying hours.

Around 10:00, the doctor asked for all visitors to leave the room so Jason and I could try to get a little rest while we waited for me to dilate enough to start pushing. YEAH RIGHT! rest? with the machines making all kinds of crazy noises and them checking my cervix every 30 mins we knew we were in for a long night. Apparently, when I sleep - I sleep hard, too, because the monitors were showing that as soon as I fell asleep my heart rate would begin to drop which would in turn cause nathan's heart rate to drop so all the nurses would come rushing in to wake me. Poor Jason didn't sleep at all for worrying about us. I was so exhausted, though, that I was trying to take little cat naps and it was so nice to wake up and see my husband standing beside me. Just knowing that he was there watching out for us was such a relief! Around midnight, all of our hospital buddies left except for Mom and Rebecca. They were so sweet to tough it out with us in those uncomfortable waiting room chairs just waiting for little Nathan to get here.

At around 4:00, they checked my cervix again and I had gotten my bloody show. I was a full 8 cm and the doctor felt like it wouldn't be long before it was time to push. It was at this point that they inserted an internal monitor for my contractions and one that they placed on Nathan's head to monitor his heart rate. The monitor that they used for my contractions rubbed against his face which is why in his pictures he has a little mark on his forehead. Poor guy! So, Jason went out to get my mom and sister. They came in and everyone was so sweet to give me words of encouragement of how to get through this. Everyone kept saying, "it won't be long now!" haha! Little did we know, I still had 7 1/2 hours to go!!

It was about 6:30 that Dr. Turner felt like Nathan's head was finally in a position where we could start pushing. I had dilated to the full 10 cm and was completely effaced. We were very hopeful that he would be delivered before her shift ended at 7:30 and I felt ready to do this. She wanted to turn the epidural down, though, so I could feel the pressure and would know better when to push. We probably pushed for about 45 mins when she alerted us that her shift would be ending and Dr. Ralsten would be taking over. We were a little weary about this as we had felt so comfortable with Dr. Turner, but trusted that Ralsten would advise us to do what we needed to in order to get Nathan here safely - our ultimate goal.

It seems to me, though, that someone had some miscommunication because I suddenly began feeling like they hadn't just turned my epidural down, but had turned it off! I could feel everything!! Not only was I completely exhuasted (I'm talking, falling asleep between pushes - exhausted), but the back labor I'd had a few weeks ago was back with full force. I can't describe the pain other than to say that it felt like I had broken my back and it was literally in 2 separate parts. My favorite little nurse Remeer had also changed shifts and our new nurse Polly had come in at the wrong time. Unfortunately, I probably took a lot of my frustrations out on her. Although, I probably took them out on everybody in that room. All I remember was seeing black and using cuss words that I don't use very often. Luckily, I have a very understanding family. Dr. Ralsten came in and suggested getting an epidural "boost" and that we take a 30 minute break. I know that I was still in a lot of pain, but it definitely took the edge off. I was able to fall asleep and tried to rest up for the next set of pushes that I knew were coming.

I just want to say how sweet my husband was through all of this. I had been nervous about how he would react to me being in pain and how his patience would hold up with not having much sleep. Boy, was I crazy. Not only did he not sleep a wink for being worried about Nathan and I
but, he stood right by my side and held my hand through all the pain. Several times I got sick and he was there in a flash holding the little bowl and wiping the hair back off of my face. He'd rinse the bowl out and bring it back to me without even making a face. While I was pushing, he counted and helped give me the support I needed to make the decision to go ahead with a c-section even though I wanted so badly to do this naturally. He could not have been better and just knowing that he was by my side helped me through it. I'm so in love with him and even more so now that we've been through this together.

So, around 10:00am on Friday morning, we tried pushing again. Nathan was just not coming past my pubic bone. Dr. Ralsten felt like my pushes were strong and what I would normally need, but for some reason, it just wasn't working to get him past that crucial point, so by 10:30 we had decided to do a cesarean. They took me out of the room and into the OR while Jason suited up in his little outfit. I honestly don't remember much of this because I was so tired that I think I slept through most of it. I remember being so concerned that Jason wasn't in the room yet, but they brought him in just as they were getting started. I'm not sure if it was the medication, nerves, or what exactly, but for some reason I was shaking uncontrollably. Poor Jason was so worried. He kept saying, "just hold onto my hands - it's going to be okay." I couldn't see anything of course and remember asking him to let me know when they had started. He was like, "baby - they started a long time ago." ha! Good thing I couldn't feel any of it. The worst part of the cesarean to me is not being able to immediately hold the baby after it's born. They showed him to me for a brief second and then whisked him off to the nursery. Jason went with him and I fell fast asleep as they stitched me up and took me to recovery.

Our little boy, Nathan James Dewberry, was born at 11:46 in the morning on September 5, 2008. He weighed in at a whopping 8 lbs 13.6 oz and was 19 3/4 in. long. When the doctors were pulling him out of my stomach, I remember hearing them say, "No wonder you couldn't get him past your pubic bone! Look at that head!" haha. He's definitely a Dewberry because his graddaddy, daddy and brother all sport handsome heads that are a little on the larger side. Also, he was face up which is why I was having such terrible back labor and why he got the little scratch on the front of his face. If he had been face down, he wouldn't have gotten it. He has a FULL set of dark hair which accounts for all the heartburn I'd been having. It's funny because as a baby, Jason had a full head of blonde hair. I didn't have much hair at all, but was born with dark hair that turned blonde. Looks like little Nathan is a perfect blend of the two of us. :)

By 2:30 we had been moved into post-partum and were able to start getting to know our little one. We were so tired that we definitely went to bed super early! Nathan has been breast-feeding like a champ and has passed every test with flying colors. He's absolutely perfect and we are so excited to have been blessed with him. He's so sweet and even as I sit here with an incision all the way across my belly and not able to move hardly without feeling pain, I would do it all over again in a heartbeat to be able to hold him in my arms. I feel like he's been apart of my life all of my life, but I'm just now getting the chance to meet him. We will be taking him home tomorrow, Monday, morning and can't wait for him to see his sweet little house and what all we have for him in it. I wish there were a way to keep him this little forever. I'll write more when I get a chance which will probably be less frequently now that my little buddy is here. :)

tomorrow?

Tomorrow? We are going to have a real live baby, tomorrow? Really?

It seems so surreal. After almost 10 months of being pregnant and dreaming of this child, we will finally get to meet him tomorrow. For so long it's been - oh, I have several months left, several weeks left, several days left...but, now it's tomorrow!

(deep breath in)

I mean, I'm trying to imagine what it's going to be like. Going to sleep tonight with Jason knowing that tomorrow the child that we've created together will be in our arms. Looking down at my stomach and realizing that it's not going to look like this after tomorrow. Folding the last few little outfits and knowing that tomorrow we'll be able to actually put some of them on him. Having dinner with my parents and knowing that tomorrow there will be another member of our family.

Tomorrow what has been 2 will become 3.

We've given Nathan his eviction notice.

Soooo......at today's 38 week appointment I am 2 centimeters and 65% effaced and he is finally engaged. I've lost my mucous plug (that was disgusting - let me tell you) and she said that my body is ready. Thank God!

We've given Nathan his eviction notice. He has exactly a week and 3 days to pack up his stuff and get out. If he decides to wait until said date, he will be physically removed from the premises. Either way - he's coming out! This means, he really won't live in my belly for the rest of his life. I won't get any more stretch marks and my heartburn will finally go away.

The very first thing that I plan on doing when I get home from the hospital (assumming he comes naturally and not via c-sect) is lay flat on my stomach. Oh, how I miss laying flat on my stomach! I'm going to kick the snoogle out of our bed and cuddle up to my husband. I'm going to bend down to pick something up without having to do it from the side and I'm going to walk like a normal human instead of like a beached whale!

Do you think my ankles will come back? Will I be able to wear my wedding rings again? Will I be able to actually run from my house to my car if it's raining? Will I be able to enjoy a tomatoe sandwich without fear of waking up with acid in my mouth? Will I be able to feel the urge to pee and actually be able to pee more than just a trickle?

Ah, it's the little things in life that bring us the most pleasure... remind me to re-read this post next time you hear my say "i think I want a baby."

Rainy Sunday

It's raining outside and I got to sleep in with my husband! It sounds so trivial, but since he's been driving the transfer truck it's something we don't get to do very often and will be doing even less of once Nathan's here. I wake up and realize that this is the happiest I've ever been in my whole life. For all that I have to complain about - my life is really, really good.

I am married to my very best friend. I love everything about this man. We've been together almost 3 years and I am still utterly smitten with him. I'm so proud of what we have and am so thankful for the marriage that I've been blessed with. I can't imagine what our lives would be like without each other and feel so lucky to be married to my favorite person in the whole world!

I'm a mother! This child will call me mommy. He will be my son. I'm so in love with him that I can't even think about anything else... I plan and dream and worry and pray and cry about every essence of this child. I'm so ready to meet him I could burst.

I have the most amazing family. I can call on any one of them at any point and I know that they will be there for me. I have grandparents that I admire, cousins who I like to hang out with, aunts and uncles that are hilarious and even a whole family of in-laws that I truly love. Not many people can say that, but I really mean it. I adore my step-son and am so lucky to have such a special little boy be who Nathan will look up to. I wouldn't give anything for any one of these people and am so lucky that they will all be here to help me raise Nathan. I talk to my parents and both of my sisters almost every single day - I don't know what I would do without them. My heart literally hurts when I hear of people who aren't close to their families like this.

I haven't even blogged about my baby showers. They were the 3 nicest baby showers that I've ever been to (even if they were mine). The fact that so many people felt compelled to do something for me makes me want to weep. I truly am humbled by these people and for what great lengths they went to to make this pregnancy so special.

I have been so blessed. There are days when I hurt so badly from being pregnant, or that I'm so hormonal that every single person I see makes me angry, or that I am so worried about how we are going to afford this little person that I forget about these things. I needed to write them down somewhere so I can look back on it and know that I. am. blessed. We all are if we can just realize it. I've got it really good and I need to learn to be more thankful. I guess bringing a new life into the world makes you realize it. Let's just hope that he will realize how good he has it and be thankful, too...

birthday?

Well, at yesterday's doctor's appt (37 weeks), I had finally started to progress some. She said that I'm 1 cm dilated and 50 % effaced. Yay! I never knew I could get so excited about silly numbers like that. She also wanted to do an ultrasound b/c as she put it "it looks like you're going to have a pretty big baby."

We went back to the ultrasound room and got started. It was so good to see my little boy again. He's so cute in there - head down, which is good and hiding his face of course. She said that he is measuring right on everywhere except for his head and his belly! lol. I had a feeling he was going to have a big head since his daddy and older brother both do, but to hear it was funny. He's measuring in the 80th percentile for his "age." So, she had me come back to her office for a chat.

She said that she really doesn't want me to go past my due date (sept. 9) since he is measuring big bc they want to give me a chance to have a vaginal delivery. But, they would like to see me get to 39 weeks (sept. 2) so that we're sure his lungs are fully developed. She advised Jason and I to find a time between the 2nd and the 9th that we want to have a "birthday." :) Of course, we want him asap, so we picked the 2nd and depending on how favorable my cervix is we'll either be doing an induction or a c-sect. Meaning, if I'm still progressing next week then we'll do an induction, but if I'm about the same place I am now, we'll plan for a c-sect. So, unless I just naturally go into labor on my own before then, our little Nathan is coming September 2! We can NOT wait and now I'm getting even less sleep because I'm up all night making sure that everything's taken care of....ugh. Wish us luck! :)

Nathan, you trickster!

So, last night about 11:30 I rolled over and felt a tremendous twinge in my lower back. It seemed to stretch around towards my lower abdomen causing me some menstrual-like cramping. At the same time, my uterus became very hard like a braxton hicks, but stronger. The worst part was the pain in my back. Of course this happens when Jason's not home! I thought that maybe I had pulled something so I tried to change positions, but nothing was relieving it. I was up and down all night with having to go to the bathroom every 30 minutes to an hour and just could not get the pain to stop. Around 6:00 I called my mom to see if she could offer some suggestions and her sweet self dropped everything she was doing to come over - at 6:00 in the morning! She rubbed my back some and we looked online at "back labor" and realized that this was what I was experiencing. So, about 8, when I knew the doctors were up (i hate to wake them in the middle of the night) I put a call in that I thought I was having contractions. Seriously? I thought they would tell me to take some tylenol and put my feet up, but they wanted me to come into the office as soon as I could. So, still not wanting to over-react, I drove myself to the hospital to get hooked up to the monitors. Luckily, Nathan's heart-rate was just fine and sure enough - I was definitely having contractions. They had been hard to time at home but were probably 5-10 minutes apart there at the office. My doctor had me admitted and they started me on a fluid drip to see if I was just dehydrated. Apparently, I was a little because after an hour I had only had 3 - about 20 minutes apart and I still had not dilated. So, they decided to send me home. She said that they will either go away completely or they will start getting stronger and I will start dilating at which point I will need to go straight back there. Now, it's just a waiting game. I've had a few more since I've been home but like an hour or so apart. Let's hope that he's not quite ready to come yet because I've just realized how much more we have to do! I don't have our hospital bags packed or the carseat even installed! ha! I guess this was a big wake up call. Jason's on his way to Newnan tonight and we're just keeping our fingers crossed that everything will turn out okay. It was so funny to leave the hospital this morning with my little i.d. bracelet and bandaids on my hand. People kept looking at me like, "wait, you're still pregnant!" Maybe next time I go in, I'll leave with a baby! :)